Embracing Your Sacred Calling
Today, in even Christian circles, a homemaker’s vocation is viewed as optional, replaceable, and more like a hobby to fulfill her own needs than as a vital asset to the family…
Professional Mommies and Disposable Homemakers
[Speaking about women who give up their outside careers to be home, and run to the “experts” for advice on how to be “professional” stay-at-home moms]:
The well-intentioned professional mother dotes over her children, seeking to be the ever-attentive and educationally focused super-mom. Unfortunately, many times, without a scriptural model, the “professional mom” creates a child-centered home – a fantasy household that is best described as the ultimate playground…
Finally…the exhausted “professional” stay-at-home mom burns out and goes back to work where at least she was appreciated and life was “easier.”
But never fear! If motherhood proves too taxing, for a competitive price, you can hire expert launderers, specialized teachers, trained cooks, certified daycare workers, and professional organizers for your household. Who needs Mom? We live in the age of the professional!
Young women are no longer trained by Mom to run the household because it would rob a girl of the “best years of her life.”
Being trained for homemaking is truly a think of the past; a girl who learns these skills is considered old-fashioned and dull.
[Stacy McDonald goes on to describe how offended she was that the hospital would not let her newborn go home with her until she had gone through the hospital’s mandatory “diaper-changing course,” where she had to watch a 19 year-old candy striper bathe and diaper Stacy’s infant before she was considered “fit.” And this was Stacy’s SEVENTH child! Sadly, she realized the reason for this procedure was because so many women today don’t know how to provide basic care for their babies. So many can’t boil an egg, much less care for an infant and run the house.]
[In answer to the question, “how hard is it to push a vacuum and wipe a nose now and then?”]:
This is where we need fresh vision, because our work at home does so much more. Rather than burden the wife and mother at home with a myriad of educational “musts” for her toddler or create a ridiculous picture of a daycare-flavored home life for her to emulate, why not give her a vision for what is real, what is industrious, and, most of all, what is important to the kingdom of God?
Dying to Live
…The enemy of our souls knows that if he can’t convince us that God’s ways are wrong, he can at least try to convince us that we’ve misunderstood what God has said. If we would only give up our “unnecessary” convictions, we could have more of the good life, he tells us.
The truth is that biblical motherhood doesn’t mean we’re promised postcard-perfect days where we lounge together with our little ones on the porch swing in white starched dresses sipping lemonade and singing in harmony. Homegrown children take a lot of hard work – and sometimes “it ain’t pretty.” Other times, it’s breathtaking…
…To recognize our purpose in motherhood, we must see the godly generations beyond our own children (Genesis 24:60, Deuteronomy 4:9, 7:9). This means denying ourselves (Matthew 16:25) and being consumed with God and His love for us. It means starting each morning on our face in repentance and thanksgiving, pleading for His grace and for the strength to glorify Him in our children – and consequently, He will equip us to truly love them and prepare us to serve them through Christ our Lord. It means impacting future generations by our faithfulness now.
We must die to self on a minute-by-minute basis. “Die to self?” you may ask. “What can that mean?” Jesus said anyone who desired to come after Him must deny himself, take up his cross and follow Him (Matthew 16:25-26)…
…Do you feel like you’ve been “losing your life” lately? Perhaps you’ve made the mistake of trying to save it.
We fail to accept the need to deny our flesh and die to self when we’re too busy “obeying our thirst.” Instead of crucifying the passions and desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:24), too often we go with the flow and listen to the smooth marketers who ell us we desperately need what we don’t have – and, furthermore, convince us we need more of what we already have.
…If you feel desperate, are you willing to die – to self? If your answer is yes, then hang on! Because you are finally ready to truly live!
Beware of Deception
False preachers, speakers, teachers, and bloggers are ready to tickle our ears under the guise of “freeing” and “encouraging” us. Unfortunately, the only thing we find ourselves encouraged to do from such commentators is sin all the more, and the only thing we are truly free of is the truth. While we’re busy navel gazing, other sins are left fermenting in a pool of self-justification. We’re left spiritually barren – stagnant – and our lives and our families are rendered ineffective…
“Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.” (Colossians 2:8)
If you have been listening to heathen teachers, (television talk show hosts, secular authors, New Age gurus), then you can be certain that somewhere along the way you have been fed error…
“And He spoke a parable to them: ‘Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?’” (Luke 6:39)
How can you find out what God’s will truly is? Turn back to Scripture for wisdom and truth. Rather than being indoctrinated by the Pied Pipers of “me-ology,” allow His holy Word to renew your mind.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)
Remember that as a Christian you are compelled to “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness.” (2 Timothy 2:15-16)
False Teachers and Modern Self-Help Gurus
“For when they [false teachers] speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh…” ((2 Peter 2:18)
False teachers abound who know exactly what women want to hear. Since many of these teachers are women, they know our fears; they know how we fail; they relate to our frustrations; they’re acquainted with our temptations; and they are fully aware of what we, in our flesh, don’t want to do – repent.
“While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption; for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought into bondage.” (2 Peter 2:19)
If you sin, a plethora of teachers and psychologists will give you numerous reasons what it’s not your fault – you can blame your childhood, your lack of self-esteem, your body image, those demanding children, or that oppressive husband. In addition, if you find yourself screaming at your children, don’t worry: it doesn’t mean you lack self-control or have sinful anger festering in your heart; it just means you need a little more “me-time.”
When we invite these spiritual coddlers to our pity party, they are lively and active guest. Full of flattery and sugary promises, they pat us on the back and offer us microwave motherhood – a fast and easy fix essentially void of any nutrition or taste – and, in the end, do more damage than just clogging our arteries. They confuse the thinking and shipwreck the faith of vulnerable women.
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers.” (2 Timothy 4:3)
Many of these teachers may claim Christ (some may even be pastors or elders); yet, because they fear that the true teachings of Scripture are too hard for people to bear, they soften and sugarcoat the truth. The result is an ineffectual message, twisted beyond recognition and poisonous to the soul. In an attempt to be popular or more widely accepted, they focus on the pleasant benefits that may come from living a godly life, often omitting the pain and sacrifice that is involved in our sanctification.
“Nevertheless even among the rulers many believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.” (John 12:42-43)
I’ve fallen into this trap many times before, and this section of the book really helped me to see things more clearly...
Desperately Seeking “Me Time”
…Many times we’re given a long list of things that supposedly all women should have if they are to be happy, refreshed, and satisfied; yet sometimes they have nothing to do with our actual needs and don’t even resemble real desires we have.
…Please understand there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things (physical pampering), as long as we understand that we don’t need them to be content or healthy and that we aren’t somehow deprived if we don’t’ get them.
…In the American pursuit to pamper the flesh, women are told to plan outings where they can spend more time alone (specifically without their children); read books and magazines that make them feel good about what they’re already doing; seek out friends who make them comfortable and praise them rather than challenge them…
…Again, there is nothing sinful about enjoying the blessings that God places in our paths. My point isn’t to convince you that anything that brings you physical pleasure is sinful (Gnosticism is a dangerous heresy), but rather to challenge you to honestly evaluate your thinking. In other words, in your desire for relief from your trials, are you only willing to listen to teaching that makes you feel better about yourself or what you want to be doing, but lacks the power to truly purge the dross from your life?
“Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” (Romans 8:12-14)
Thank you to those of you who have already given me some great feedback on these “snippets.” It’s such a gift to be able to encourage each other in the Lord!
You Mean It’s Not All About Me?
“For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.” (Philippians 3:18-19)
…God has given us all we need to satisfy our bodies and souls just as He did our first parents. Yet we still choose those things that please us rather than please Him. Instead of trusting that God will satisfy us, we continue to attempt to satisfy ourselves.
…We, that is, Christians as a whole, spend far more time reading self-help books, and listening to motivational speakers that we do reading God’s Word or praying and making our requests known to Him.
What About Me?
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Many well-meaning Christians want to share with us steps on how we should better serve ourselves and remind us of how much more we truly deserve, yet God clearly tells us we are to die to ourselves and serve Him by serving others.
…we were bought with a price, therefore we must glorify God in our bodies and in our spirits, which are God’s (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We belong to Him – purchased by His own precious blood. Therefore, no matter what He asks of us, it is never too much, and what He expects of us is clear:
“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:12-13)
…I remember once counseling a young woman who was having difficulty submitting to her husband. When I explained to her that Scripture required her to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, she insisted, with more than a little indignation, that it was impossible to submit to a man who wasn’t even trying to meet her needs. It was actually his fault, she explained, that she was forced to sin by not respecting him.
She went on to describe how her pastor had told her that Scripture didn’t require her to even love her husband (ignoring Titus 2:4); only her husband was given that mandate toward her. The neglectful minister also told my friend that she was only required to submit to her husband as long as he “loved her as Christ loved the church.” To make it even more confusing, she believed that she was the one who was to decide what “loving her” meant, which in her estimation included (among a long list of other things) how well he fathered their children.
I asked her pointedly, “So, are you saying that you believe you are only required to submit to your husband on the days when he ‘loves you as Christ loved the church?’”
“Yes,” she said resolutely. “When he shows me that kind of love, I will have no problem submitting to him.”
Her resolve quickly diminished when I pointed out to her that by her logic, her husband also would only be required to love her on those days when she submitted to him as unto the Lord. On the days when he viewed her behavior as unsubmissive, he was free to ignore and neglect her. I explained to her that if they both continued to insist on “living for self” rather than “dying to self,” neither would ever see success in their marriage. In addition, their children would view marriage as a miserably endless tug-of-war, rather than a picture of oneness played out in life-giving harmony.
…She repented and purposed to submit to her husband regardless of his response or the amount of love and attention he showed her and the children…
…It made all the difference in the world in her attitude; she was free to love her husband and family without expectation (Romans 12:10) – and God met her needs.
What Are We Desperate For?
…Desperation is a condition which is natural to mankind. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that our hearts are desperately wicked. All of mankind is hopelessly in need of a Savior, and we are doomed to Hell without Him. Scripture tells us that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). If we claim Christ, then in essence we are admittedly desperate for God. We know that we can do nothing without Jesus and that we can do all things (that He has called us to do) through Him (Philippians 4:13)
…As Christian women, we must learn to let Jesus satisfy our souls, for He will do a much better job at quenching our thirst than we ever could. Our attempts to satisfy ourselves will always leave us thirsting for more, never pleased or content – desperate indeed (John 4:13).
If you are feeling overwhelmed and desperate, you won’t find the answer in yet another self-help book or in a temporal bottle of pills. More self-esteem won’t quiet those inner yearnings or fears any more than a “better” body or new clothes will. Only Christ can satisfy your anxious heart and give you peace. Long for Him “as the deer pants for the water brooks” (Psalm 42:1). When your souls is disquieted, hope in God and praise His Holy name (Psalm 42:11).
An Answer to “Me-ology”
Two and a half years ago, when Jennie called to tell me her “hair was on fire” (a Southern term for being all “riled up”), I knew we had to do something. So what was so hair-raising? A friend had alerted Jennie to yet another “me-ology” book – that’s how we describe books that encourage women to “pamper” rather than “sanctify” their flesh. Page after page, the author told women it was okay to live for self – in fact, if you don’t feel like your relationship with God is productive, perhaps it’s your family’s fault for distracting you from the “important” things you could be doing!
This self-centered philosophy is a fallacy that we as Christian women must guard against. If we find ourselves in a position where we feel that serving our families gets in the way of serving Christ’s Kingdom, then we should fall on our faces and repent, because, chances are, if we’re not serving the Kingdom, we’re serving ourselves – not anyone else.
Serving our family is serving the Kingdom. Serving our husband and our little ones is serving Christ Himself – and neglecting them so that we can pursue self interests is neglecting the Kingdom of God – and Jesus Himself! “Inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me” (Matthew 24:45)
Ordinary Housewives Passionate for God
…While it may seem counterintuitive, the lesson is true: living more for self will only keep us further from that true we’re after as women. God wants us to know that we can’t do it all, so that He can do it through us – so that He can equip us with the grace and strength we need to accomplish His will – which includes serving Him by serving others. Then, at last, we can shed the millstone of fear and desperation and get truly passionate!
You can call us housewives, homemakers, or keepers at home; but we’re not desperate. Whatever challenges God brings us in our role as women, we have purposed to not lose heart or despair. And when we do fall into sin, God graciously reminds us of our utter reliance on and need for His sustaining grace…
I’ve been reading a book entitled, “Passionate Housewives Desperate For God” by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald. I am really excited about how God has been using this book to challenge me in ways I didn’t know possible. Just when I think I understand it all, (haha!), I read the next chapter, and BAM! I get knocked in the head with yet a deeper truth that further challenges and convicts…and like the layers of an onion being pulled back one by one, I am coming to grips with so much deep-rooted pride in my heart that I didn’t notice before.
I would love to encourage all my “mommy” friends to please get a copy of this page-turner. I guarantee you will not regret it, and you will not be able to put it down.
I would love to share with you daily, (or as often as I can), snippets of what I’ve read in hopes that you will be encouraged…and even challenged a bit. Feel free to “reply all” and comment with your thoughts!
Preface: Dispelling the Myth – by Stacy McDonald
…Instead of treasuring women and properly utilizing their gifts, our culture has attempted to discard the beauty and uniqueness of biblical womanhood and create an emotionally androgynous power-woman whose worth is measured only by the degree of her ambition, the shape of her body, and her money-making potential. Rather than women renouncing this affront to their dignity, amazingly, the slaves are demanding their slavery!
Finders, Keepers!
…While today’s women may be bombarded with more media streams than their counterparts of previous generations, biblical femininity has always been an unusual quality. This is what led King Lemuel’s mother to observe, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). Virtuous women have always been rare, and oh, how precious they are!
…How does a woman, or girl on her way to womanhood, truly understand her rightful calling as a daughter of the King? The answer is this: that in Christ “are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Colossians 2:3); and He has given us “all things that pertain unto life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:4) in the pages of His Holy Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17). And this includes the mysterious secret of what it means to be a virtuous woman of God – and to be a happy keeper of the home.
What a Godly Keeper at Home (Or Housewife) is Not
A godly keeper at home is absolutely not a lesser human being, a mindless robot, or a placid doormat under submission to all men; rather, she is created in the very image of God and of equal worth and value compared to man (Genesis 1:26-28). She is the crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4), a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). Because she trusts God’s wisdom in establishing perfect order for His creation, she willingly submits to her own husband as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24).
In God’s economy, the godly housewife is no man’s slave or personal piece of property; for her worth is “far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:20). Nonetheless, she eagerly admits to being Christ’s slave, which paradoxically makes her free indeed (1 Corinthians 7:22). She laughs when she hears rumors that she is an oppressed victim of a male-dominated dictatorship, because she knows that God’s will is perfect and His Word timeless. Her place in society isn’t ruled by the culture, but by God’s unchanging and eternal Word. By God’s grace, she has no desire to question His ways (Isaiah 55:8); on the contrary, she rests in them.
Desperate Housewives
Still, there are more myths we need to dispel. In this book, we take the long-venerated ‘50s housewife, wearing high heels and pearls to vacuum the floor, and send her back to the land of fantasy where she belongs. Real women need to know that being helpers to their husbands, raising godly children, and properly managing their homes takes real work, but the rich reward a woman receives by diligently tending to the ways of her household is well worth the effort.
Yet even as the 1950’s cardboard caricature of the perfectly polished housewife must be upended, so too must the equally subversive notion of the “desperate housewife” which has made its way into the minds of most Americans.
Hollywood would like for us to believe that a woman who stays home serving her husband and children is not joyful and content, but desperate. Today we have television programs that divulge all the spicy details of what’s supposedly going on behind the closed curtains of those seemingly happy housewives. According to modern thought, although she may be smiling when she checks the mail, the cheerful mom across the street lives a life full of secret disappointment, anger, lust, adultery, insanity, and even murder. “Poor desperate housewife…if only she had a fulfilling career. If only her family didn’t drag her down. If only she would do something for herself for a change.”
This foolish image of sensual despondency on the part of the housewife is a twisted perversion of the beautiful picture of the wise and chaste keeper at home described in Proverbs 31. While every homemaker at times falls short of this scriptural ideal, when the godly keeper at home is faithful, her husband and children rise up and call her blessed (Proverbs 31:28), and her own works praise her in the gates (Proverbs 31:31). The joyful and satisfied life (Proverbs 31:25) that God gives a woman who is surrendered to His will is rich and fulfilling - yes, even passionate!
